Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been working feverishly to keep up with Spring’s influx of relationship readings.  Indeed Spring is in the air in more ways than one!

What dismays me most these days with relationship readings is the changes that have been (in my view negatively!) wrought in relationships due to our increasing reliance on technology to connect.  Don’t get me wrong, I love technology.  But it has its place and in matters of the heart, it’s failing miserably.  I’m a little uncomfortable with this whole meeting online business to be honest.  It’s often the guilty precursor to the texting love affair.  What are your odds of meeting the person of your dreams online?  About the same as winning a lottery.

Texting is Too Cold a Medium

How many couples are meeting online and within minutes are texting each other all manner of deeply personal issues all day?  Some even escalate almost immediately to sending X-rated photos! People seem to be forgetting that texting is a cold medium meaning that it doesn’t afford any of the subtleties – and not so subtle – that romantic connection depends upon for success such as facial expression, blushing, eye contact and belly laughter. Rather it tends to be rather cryptic yet blunt, factual and absolute.

The worst of it is that it seems to carry an inherent expectation of constant communication which I think is counter-intuitive.

Relationships are like baking a hearty bread.  It takes time. The speed at which relationships spark, share and turn off now takes a matter of weeks if it’s going great.  In many instances it takes hours or days.  Romance has become like fast food.  Meet someone; like the flavour (appearance and superficial personality characteristics); text each other twenty times a day until you hit a snag and it’s over.  Next?

I hear from men and women, “But s/he hasn’t responded to my messages in two days. What does that mean?”  Back in my single days (almost thirty years ago), if I hadn’t heard from a guy in a couple of weeks, I just thought he must be as busy me.    But now it would seem that if you haven’t heard from someone in a couple of days, it’s a dud.  Like a flash fire or freeze relationships soar and die as fast as it takes to send a text message!

All this immediate and intense communication via text between newly inspired couples is the perfect prescription for failure. How do you feel about this person?  What are your dreams revealing?  How would you know if you don’t give yourself some time for this exciting new attraction to settle into your psyche? Don’t assume that just because you haven’t heard from someone in a few days it’s because you didn’t make quite the stellar impression you were hoping.  Instead use the silence as a much needed intuitive check in.

All relationships are getting infected by this often apparent compulsion for communication.  Kids are expected to check in throughout the day so parents know where they are and what their plans are. I couldn’t imagine anything more abhorrent to me as a child than having to check in with my parents constantly about where I am, whom I’m with and when I’d be home.  They were invasive enough in my view.  When I left the house in the morning for school I was happy to know I’d see mom later for dinner. Did I get into trouble?  Of course I did. But most of that was no one’s business but my own and I was quite pleased to have it that way.

Certainly people are becoming increasingly upset by how text responsive they are expected to be to their work place. “You had your blackberry turned off?”, the boss inquires severely on Monday morning as if you are turning into a pathetic loser.  A slacker or derelict that can be easily replaced by a more willing and responsive servant, you need hardly be reminded.

Boundaries & Privacy are as Vital as Kissing

Boundaries and privacy are as vital to the health of a relationship as kissing.  When you meet a new exciting love interest, give the sacredness of the experience time to grow.  Avoid texting. If they don’t call in a couple of weeks, use the time to put your intuition to work.  Too much too fast brings a natural cycle to a head too quickly. Given enough time and thought this person could be just the one you’d thrill to be with forever.  Be the one to say you don’t text when you meet someone that sets your soul on fire.  And stand by your conviction.  If they feel compelled to text, fine but let them know you don’t do that nor do you take any of their texting too seriously.

Texting is too cold a medium to support a real authentic and soul connect.  Remember that too much information too fast smothers and buries more relationships than it nurtures; beautiful and romantic love stories that might have flowered given more mystery, elusiveness and anticipation.