After reading for folks from all walks of life for more than thirty years, you’d imagine I’d be used to questions and discussions about soulmates by now but the truth is that any suggestion of soulmates renders me speechless.  This happens a lot in February. Well… it happens most months of the year but the dearth in February is noteworthy.

Somewhat tentatively, I ask, “What does this notion of soulmates mean to you?”

It does mean different things to different people.  Aside from the obvious that my soulmate is not yours, everyone has a selection of characteristics that they believe will signal that they are in the presence of their soulmate.  And let’s be honest, a person’s soulmate 99% of the time refers to the mate segment of the word.

Soulmate indicators may be physical (height, weight, colouring), personality (serious, quiet, risk-taking), spiritual (religion) or intellectual (education, aspirations).  In any case, most I speak with are confident their soulmate is both attractive and attracted to them.

Seldom will an esoteric author take on this issue because it’s just too grand and sensitive a matter. You might imagine that this is a rather frivolous query but in truth it’s daunting and powerful. Who we partner with in life will have a life altering impact on the decisions we make in every aspect of our lives.  Decisions for example that will determine the status of our health, who or if we have offspring, our longevity, geographical location, career path, self-esteem and other familial and friend relationships.

Yet most people choose their life partners rather impulsively, randomly and well to be blunt rather mindlessly.  People who are the most hesitant of risk-takers by nature will suddenly leap into a partnership with someone they met hair-raising-ly briefly on vacation, online or at the local grocery store.

True Spiritual Soulmates are Not Good Partners

From what I have learned over the past 40 years about soul mates (which you could write on a post-it note), a soul mate is someone our soul is attached to, often inexplicably yet determinedly.  Because this attraction has nothing to do with ego, lust or apparent practicality, it’s crazy-making to try and explain it to anyone.  It is also highly unlikely that they would be the perfect mate for us at all.  That’s right.  Your soulmate from the perspective of soul has nothing to do with mating.

A soulmate is like your own personal guru.  Your true soul mate is a spiritual twin not an embodied one. This means that your soul mate indeed may be presenting in a relationship which is sibling, parent, child, distant relative, friend, colleague or neighbour. It might just be someone you meet sitting next to you on the public transit. It is that individual whom, upon meeting them for the first time, you feel as if you are spiritually home.  No words are necessary for the two of you to be at one yet they are your absolute and perfect opposite in every way.  Complete and absolute opposite.

The two of you together after all make up a complete whole.  Where they love details, you love the big picture; where you love art, they love accounting; where you love to talk about everything, they are silent; where you love to travel, they love being at home.  Imagine partnering with someone that opposite to you.  It would be frustrating, conflicting, intriguing and at the same time very addictive.  Not one person in your social circle would understand or condone the alliance and no matter how hard you tried to explain it, you would fail miserably.

Partnership Between Soulmates is a Disaster

You would want to be with them all the time yet rarely would you see eye to eye or agree on where to be.  You would be driven to question every idea, feeling, impulse or choice you make driving you constantly up a challenging spiral of growth, and awareness.  It would be exhausting, exhilarating and crazy-making.  I pray to meet mine in the spirit world once I’m done with this one.  A much easier to environment in which to work through out differences.

Your ideal mate is someone who shares at least a few fundamental similarities, such as values, priorities and personality quirks. These similarities would never be shared between soulmates.

I would be far more comfortable with the question, “Is this person going to make a life-enhancing partner for me?”  I can work with that question with more accuracy and ease.